So, here I am at two in the morning when I am so exhausted that the world is a haze on its own, without this assistance. I'm tired to the point of leaning on walls for support, but I'm waiting. Why? Why oh why would I push myself to these limits? I'll tell you--though I am my own biggest source of pageviews.

I'm waiting for my best friend. Very few people could get me to wait up this long, but when I heard that she might sign on, my hands shook and rattled--pennies in a coffee can, bones in a jam jar. That kind of anxious rattling. It is inhuman! I miss her so much, I think that I don't, but the moment that word comes of her I fall to pieces. Germany might as well be another planet--the word from her is scarce and infrequent and short when it does come through, but I still wait for it and get excited about it when I happen accross it.

It would be dishonest to say that I don't love my best friend. I do. It just sounds bad to say something like that these days. Of course I love her--not as anything more then a friend, but she is my lifeline when things go wrong. Over these last few months, I have been tested and reminded how hard it is to stand on one's own without the speeddial on and another voice on the telephone. Best friends fill a space that nobody else can--a deeper space with toughly wrought grooves. Rivits. The whole shebang. When you lose the person that knows how much sugar you like in your tea, that synthesized lobster makes you sick, why you named your bookbag Memnoch...then you feel as if you have lost an apendage.

This is my testament to my friend: it may not seem like it, but this bond is duct tape. It's duct tape through and through.